My worst trigger is a name. People aren’t toys, people aren’t medicine, people aren’t tools, people aren’t things to screw around with and get addicted to, but my worst trigger is the name of a person who is just like any other. A person who shouldn’t mean anything to me anymore. How the fuck is a person destroying me? One name and Jesus Christ it feels like it’s stabbing me in the fucking chest. Sticks and stones right? They tell you lies when you’re a kid. Words can destroy you. Names. Names will crush you with their weight. Don’t believe the lies.

"Crying about it won’t solve anything."
I know that. But that doesn’t mean crying helps me albeit barely but whatever.
I miss you. This isn’t getting easier. What the fuck am I supposed to do?! Fuck.



You know what I hate??!! WHEN YOUR THERAPIST SAYS “HE’S DEAD. MOVE ON!!!” Like seriously. Bitch you have no idea what I go through every night. You have no idea what is going on in my head. Yea he’s dead. He hung himself and I was the last person he talked to. the last thing he said to me was “I’m sorry”. I can’t get those words out of my head. So no bitch, I will not move on.

”..The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby..”